With a heavy heart I walk
People think I’m crazy because I talk
To myself about false hopes and regrets
A heart too broken never forgets
An old man plays his erhu
How ruthless of him to remind me of you
And make me cry like weeping violins
As I try to walk away from might’ve-beens
From memories and from your echo
But they follow me wherever I go
A young boy plays with his kite
How naïve of me to think that it might
Be a sign that it’s not time to let go
A heart too broken refuses to know
How to weigh the intangible and empty
Too broken to embrace reality
Why am I dragging this on? Why are you dragging this on? How many times have we said “it’s over” to each other? Why am I still talking to you? Yes, I stay in love with you but I am fully aware that what you feel for me is probably obsession. How I wish I were wrong. Prove me wrong.
I need love. I want love. I want you to hold my hand and walk with me in the streets of Paris. I want to know you. I want you to know me. I want you to see me as I am and not as a sex object. I am more than just a piece of flesh for you to devour when you feel like.
Here I am, recognizing the need to move on. Again. For the nth time. And voilà the same questions again :
What am I moving on from? Am I moving on from my love for him or from him? Am I moving on from how I used to be when I was loving him? Or from the feeling that I didn’t get the love and respect that I thought I had deserved?
Will I ever move on from his light? I see flashes of him kissing me right there on the corner of the train. How am I ever gonna take the subway without seeing flashes of him? Reviewing his kisses makes me forget that I have to move on. My mind is such a puddle of mud right now filled with broken glasses. What do I do when he tries to reconnect again just like the way he has done so many times before? Would I finally get tired of jumping in the puddle?